On Becoming an End-of-Life Doula

Early Lessons on Life and Death

My first encounter with the realization that things die was when I was five. Several months earlier, I had brought home a nest of five baby sparrows. Their eyes weren’t open, yet. They had no feathers. But their mouths were wide open, insistently calling for food and a mother bird who wasn’t around.

For the next several weeks, my mom, sister, and I tended to the noisy group. Eventually, they were all big enough to fly and we sent them on their way—except for one. That one didn’t eat well, didn’t seem interested in flying, and finally just died on the day the others left. My sister and I celebrated launching four healthy birds back into nature that morning. We also held a somber funeral service for the one that was left behind. I realized then that life isn’t a certainty. I experienced the full cycle of nurturing new life and honoring death.

The Journey to Becoming an End-of-Life Doula

As my adult life unfolded, I attended the predictable assortment of sick bed vigils, hospital visitations, and funerals honoring family members, neighbors, and friends. Tender conversations and shared grief over the passing of loved ones were blended with joys over the birth of babies, graduations, and weddings. It was during my mom’s passing that I experienced intimate understandings about the sacred space between living and dying. With tender compassion and care, I participated in the completion of her life. It included the grace and space to honor and bless the end-of-life journey. Rather than feeling fear or dread at its prospects, I could accept death’s natural place in her life and serve as a caring companion in the profound space of transition. That is what led me to training as an of End-of-Life Doula.

The Role and Purpose of an End-of-Life Doula

Human life has few certainties, but one of them is dying. I have come to understand that fear causes many of us to avoid that reality. My training as an End-of-Life Doula has taught me that the antidote to fear is love. It is a work that is filled with mystery and grace. It is about holding space and being a peaceful presence while helping a person really live precious final moments while they are still alive. It is about affirming that each person matters to the end of their life. Together, in sacred partnership, we hold spiritual and emotional space to honor a completed life and a peaceful death.