The Decision to Become an End-of-Life Doula for Companion Animals

A Personal Journey of Loss and Compassion

The decision to become an End-of-Life Doula for Companion Animals came after the death of my own cat, Lily. I had made the difficult decision to end her life through euthanasia. To be fair, the clinic I chose was very busy that day with situations that required urgent care. We called ahead and were brought into one of 20 rooms for the procedure. I put the following narrative together a few days after her death.

Lily's Story: A Tale of Resilience and Love

Lily was a young tabby cat who showed up at my door. She was so thin that I could see her bones under her skin, and she could barely stand up as she leaned against my back door. That was almost 20 years ago. Of course, I took her in and began feeding her some rice and chicken. She mostly just ate and slept for the next few weeks as she gradually gained strength and started putting on weight. My dog, Maggie, who was a 140 lb. St. Bernard, let her sleep at her side, providing soft fur and lots of body warmth.

Life with Lily: A Gentle Soul 

As Lily slowly regained her strength and vitality, we learned that she was a very gentle cat who lived in harmony with birds, mice, squirrels, and any other creatures who crossed her path. She loved Maggie and our mourning dove, Sophie, who was also a rescue. Lily was also a good friend to guests and had a knack for seeking out people who had cat allergies. It almost seemed like she was determined to prove them wrong. They weren't. We loved Lily. Lily died two days ago by injections at our veterinarian’s clinic.

The Decision to Say Goodbye

The decision to end her life came slowly. Perhaps you can understand what went through my mind. I had been working at my desk while looking over at Lily sleeping a few feet from me on her mat. I knew the quality of her life had been declining significantly in the previous six months. Her “spark” was gone and, aside from eating, she showed no interest or joy in life. She was just worn out and I slowly realized I was prolonging her life for me—not for her.

A Difficult Day at the Vet 

I called the Vet's office and made an appointment. I had worked with this clinic for several years, and I knew the quality of their work. They were very kind on the phone, and they showed us into an office as soon as we arrived. I had Lily wrapped in a towel. They said we could have some time with her and that they would come in and give her a sedative prior to the final injection. They didn't ask about her story or why I had made this decision. I wished they would have done that. I wanted them to know that she had been a great cat and that I was so conflicted and sad.

The Final Moments: Unprepared for the Unexpected

The nurse returned a few minutes later and took Lily back to put in the IV needle. Lily was a very docile cat. She didn't challenge anything. They returned and injected a sedative and said she would be getting sleepy. I had come prepared for a small ceremony. I pulled out my oils, my readings, and put on some music. We thought she would just get really relaxed and then close her eyes.

Grief and the Unexpected Reactions to the Body

It was all very peaceful until Lily started having a convulsive reaction to the sedative.  The doctor returned with  a handful of syringes.  She was very kind and began injecting the drugs in rapid order.  It was only a few seconds until Lily’s heart stopped and her body started going through changes I hadn’t anticipated. I didn’t know what to do next.  I was just so sad and sorry for Lily.  I had pre-paid for everything so I was able to just leave when it was over. They said I could pick up her ashes in a week.

Reflections: Lessons Learned and a New Calling

What I Wish I Had Known

At the end of the experience, I realized I was not prepared for what had just happened.

• I wish I could have talked with someone about her life and why I made my decision for euthanasia.

• I wish I had known about the possibility of seizures and how a dearly loved pet could look during and after death.

• I wish I had known that dead bodies do things that can be unexpected.

• I wish I had known there are lots of ways to prepare for the passing of a much-loved animal.

• I wish I had known there are many options and ways to memorialize them.

A New Path: Becoming an End-of-Life Doula for Companion Animals

It was then that I made the decision to become an End-of-Life Doula for companion animals. I knew I could be an understanding resource and sympathetic support through the difficult decisions on end-of-life care for beloved pets and their owners.